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The internet, a vast landscape of information and connection, has also become a breeding ground for trends that can inadvertently expose young minds to significant risks. In recent times, a pervasive TikTok trend known as “Yes You Can” has emerged, sparking considerable concern among parents and child welfare experts. Far from being a harmless expression of empowerment, this trend, when examined closely, reveals a troubling undercurrent of problematic behavior that can place young girls in precarious situations, particularly concerning online sexual solicitation and grooming.
The Allure and the Deception of “Yes You Can”
At its surface, the “Yes You Can” trend seems innocuous, even positive. It’s a phrase often used to encourage self-belief, to push perceived boundaries, and to embrace opportunities. However, on platforms like TikTok, popular with a demographic highly susceptible to peer influence and social validation, these phrases can be twisted and weaponized. When young girls, navigating the complex landscape of adolescence and social media, see their peers or influencers promoting certain behaviors under the guise of “Yes You Can,” it can foster a dangerous sense of permission and normalization.
The appeal of “Yes You Can” often lies in its ambiguity. This very ambiguity, however, is what makes it a powerful tool for those with nefarious intentions. It can be used to subtly suggest or outright endorse behaviors that are far from beneficial, and in many cases, deeply detrimental. The rapid-fire nature of TikTok, with its short-form videos and constant stream of new content, means that trends can gain traction and spread like wildfire before parents or guardians have a chance to fully understand or address them.
Unpacking the “Yes You Can” Trend: When “Can” Becomes “Should Not”
The true danger of the “Yes You Can” trend is revealed when we look beyond the superficial encouragement and explore the specific behaviors being promoted. As highlighted by Diane Lampkins, LSW, child abuse prevention coordinator at The Center for Family Safety and Healing at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, this trend can bring a “high level of risk, including the possibility of online sexual solicitation.” This is not hyperbole; it’s a chilling reality that parents are increasingly confronting.
A stark example of this problematic behavior is encapsulated in phrases like “I can’t fw a 2013.” This seemingly nonsensical phrase carries a deeply concerning subtext: it refers to a 13-year-old dating a 20-year-old, often expressed as a ratio like “20/13.” The casual normalization of such age gaps, particularly when the younger individual is a minor, is incredibly dangerous. It blurs the lines of appropriate relationships, disregards legal and developmental boundaries, and opens the door to exploitation.
The implication is that “Yes You Can” date someone significantly older, someone who may hold social power, financial resources, or simply a greater level of life experience that can be leveraged for control and manipulation. This trend actively encourages young girls to disregard the inherent risks associated with such relationships, presenting them as a badge of honor or a sign of desirability. The “can” in “Yes You Can” effectively becomes a silent endorsement for engaging in relationships that are statistically proven to be harmful, preying on a desire for validation and acceptance.
The Shadow of Grooming: Exploiting Vulnerability
The “Yes You Can” TikTok trend is a fertile ground for grooming. Grooming is a predatory process where an abuser systematically builds trust and rapport with a child to lower their inhibitions and exploit them sexually. The trend provides a ready-made framework for this manipulation.
Predators can utilize the “Yes You Can” narrative to:
- Normalize inappropriate relationships: By presenting age-gap relationships as acceptable or even desirable, the trend makes it easier for predators to initiate contact and suggest such relationships. The “Yes You Can” message can be used to counter any burgeoning doubts or concerns a young girl might have about the suitability or safety of an older partner.
- Encourage secrecy: Groomers often isolate their victims from supportive networks. The “Yes You Can” trend, by celebrating a behavior that is often frowned upon by parents and society, can inadvertently encourage young girls to keep their interactions private, making them less likely to seek help or confide in trusted adults.
- Build false confidence: The trend can be used to gaslight young girls, making them feel confident in their choices, even when those choices are leading them into dangerous territory. If a girl expresses hesitancy about an older partner, a predator could simply reiterate the “Yes You Can” message, framing her doubts as a lack of independence or courage.
- Create a sense of belonging: By participating in the trend and aligning with the promoted behaviors, young girls may feel a sense of belonging to a particular online community. This can make them more susceptible to the influence of individuals who are actively participating in or promoting harmful aspects of the trend.
The vulnerability of teenage girls, a phase marked by burgeoning independence, peer pressure, and a search for identity, makes them particularly susceptible to these insidious tactics. The digital world, with its perceived anonymity and the illusion of curated perfection, can exacerbate these vulnerabilities.
The Parental Imperative: Vigilance and Open Dialogue
For parents and guardians, the rise of trends like “Yes You Can” underscores the critical need for ongoing vigilance and open communication. Simply forbidding access to TikTok is often an impractical and potentially counterproductive solution, as it can lead to further secrecy. Instead, a more effective approach involves:
- Understanding the platforms: Parents need to familiarize themselves with the platforms their children are using, including the popular trends, the language, and the potential risks. This doesn’t require becoming an expert TikTok user, but rather having a general awareness of its culture.
- Fostering open communication: Creating an environment where children feel safe to discuss their online experiences, their doubts, and their concerns without fear of judgment or immediate punishment is paramount. This means initiating conversations about online safety proactively, not just in response to a crisis.
- Educating about online risks: Discussing specific risks such as online solicitation, grooming, and the impact of inappropriate relationships is crucial. Explain the tactics predators use and empower children with the knowledge to recognize and report them.
- Setting healthy boundaries: While encouraging independence, it’s also important to establish clear boundaries regarding online behavior and relationships. This might involve discussing appropriate age differences in friendships and relationships, and the importance of respecting personal boundaries.
- Teaching critical thinking: Encourage children to question what they see online. Help them develop the ability to discern between genuine empowerment and potentially harmful trends. What looks cool or popular online isn’t always safe or healthy in reality.
- Monitoring (responsibly): Depending on the age and maturity of the child, responsible monitoring of their online activity can be a useful tool. This should be done transparently and with the child’s understanding, focusing on safety rather than invasive surveillance.
The “Yes You Can” trend on TikTok, while seemingly innocuous on the surface, serves as a potent reminder of the complex digital landscape our young people navigate. It highlights how seemingly innocent phrases can be co-opted to promote dangerous behaviors, particularly those that put young girls at risk of sexual predation and grooming. By remaining informed, fostering open dialogue, and empowering our children with the tools to critically evaluate their online world, we can help them steer clear of these digital minefields and foster a safer, healthier digital future. The power of “Yes You Can” should ultimately lie in its ability to encourage responsible choices, not to enable exploitation.
Sherri Gordon, CLC – June 14, 2025 – https://www.parents.com/what-is-the-yes-you-can-trend-and-why-parents-are-worried-11754161
It’s also known to happen with online gaming.
I think these issues need to be addressed on all levels.
Scary times we live in now.