http://www.todays-woman.net Ms. Rose DesRochers - webmistress@todays-woman.net webmistress@todays-woman.net Today's Woman Writing Community Inc. en-us http://www.todays-woman.net/article1881.html by John Sammon “That isn’t the Scott McClellan I knew. Is that the Scott McClellan you knew?” “No! The Scott McClellan I knew could tell a lie we told him and then keep a lie a lie.” “What are we gonna do?” http://www.todays-woman.net/article1872.html By John Sammon A North Korean propaganda leaflet was dropped on me from out of the sky by a MIG (North Korean) jet fighter. I was manning a checkpoint at the Bridge of No Return (The Loneliest Outpost in the World it was called then), in 1972. I looked up and saw leaflets fluttering down. I caught one. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1865.html By John Sammon I have a plan to repopulate the universe in my own image. Aren’t you tired of everybody looking different and having different opinions than you, always complaining and squabbling? Look at this election. Aren’t you sick of it? http://www.todays-woman.net/article1858.html By John Sammon You’ve heard me many times complain about how many words the English language has, too many, many of them meaning the same thing. Why do we need three words that all mean the same thing? Like “screw,” which can mean tightening a metal fastener. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1853.html By John Sammon My daughter and I have your average father teenage daughter relationship. She has total disdain for me. How did I manage to achieve this lofty distinction? I tried to be fair. That must be it. In other words, weak. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1848.html By Melvin Durai Where would we be without scientific research? Six feet under, probably. I say "probably" because some of us might still be moving around, the ones who ve had their ashes scattered in the ocean. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1845.html By John Sammon A boss calls an employee into his office to tell him he is fired, terminated. Those words are not politically correct today, so more wimpy ones are used, with the resulting confusion as seen below. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1843.html Identity Theft and Uh-Huh By John Sammon I had a guy call me on the phone and try to sell me some identity theft security system or something. It was a recording on the phone, so I couldn’t talk to him directly. Nevertheless, I gave him what for. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1839.html Author:Mike FakAt the end of every year, I find it essential I clean up my documents files. They have become too cumbersome again so I have to save and clean but mostly delete the past year s rantings. As I sit here I m having a masseuse massage my pointer finger from using the delete key so much, I have found a fondness for these quotes and thus have saved them from electronic extinction. I will keep these along with others for that future, never to be printed book, "The Funniest Things I ever said; Although I don t Remember when." http://www.todays-woman.net/article1836.html Author:John Sammon Here are five different options for having more sexual fun in the bedroom that you may not have thought of attempting as of yet, but will after I tell you how to do them. I assure you I have tried these myself with highly satisfactory results (at least for me). http://www.todays-woman.net/article1817.html Author: John SammonThey re everywhere! The unwashed, the ignorant. The rampant growth of slobism worldwide is as distressing as it is disappointing, and disproves Darwin’s theory of evolution that things evolve for the better and more sophisticated. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1801.html Author:John SammonWhere are those car keys? My wife loses her car keys. She’s good at it. There should be official recognition, an Oscar, crediting her brand of errant genius. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1794.html Author:John SammonOh Gee! I hit it straight. Aren t I good! Golf has got to be the most ridiculous sport of all. It isn’t even a sport. I was at a golf course last week and I saw a guy who must have weighed three hundred pounds. He was as big as a whale. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1793.html Author:Rob Bloom -Comedy Writer Losing a loved one is never easy — especially when it’s unexpected. But looking back, I really should’ve seen it coming. Hell, the warning signs were all there. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1784.html Author:Barbara Morris At age 60 I was a contestant in a Ms. Senior America competition. I knew my chances of winning were slim because among other deficits, I do not sing, dance, twirl a baton or recite poetry. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1783.html Author:John SammonActing jobs have always been hard to come by. Writer s note: This is the second installment of a passage from a book I m working on (the first snippet is titled Extra Work), that recounts in part my attempts to become a movie actor in the 1970s. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1781.html Author: Mike FakWell another birthday has hit me square in the eye. I’m not sure what it means to be 59 years old since I don’t have enough active brain cells still working to fathom what reaching this age signifies. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1779.html Author:Tim Bete I’ve often said that kids are like martinis – the more you have, the looser you feel. But there’s another similarity between children and the gin-based cocktail. You shouldn’t drive when you’re under the influence of either. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1776.html Author:By John SammonI worked on some really bad movies back when I was a budding actor. Below is an excerpt from a book I m working on that recounts (in part) some of my experiences as a fledgling actor back in the 1970s, when I was appearing in some really bad movies. http://www.todays-woman.net/article1770.html Author:John SammonThis guy s a trip. Reader’s Note: I did an article insulting the intelligence of President George Bush, and because I have a conscience (unlike him), I decided, well, maybe this is a bit much, and threw it out. But then on July 4, Bush as always, acted in a manner proving everything I had said was true.