What Men REALLY Think About Lingerie!

We all know that a man appreciates when you get all gussied up for him and whet his appetite in something short and lacy.

Gulp.

If you are anything like us, you cringe at the idea of going to Victoria's Secret and finding something to wear with a man. The dressing room mirrors alone are a nightmare. All we seem to see in them are the back rolls and dimpled cheeks that the down-light so wonderfully enhances. The pictures of gorgeous models on the walls around you are enough to make you ditch the lingerie idea entirely and go straight to the food court for an insecurities-soothing ice cream cone.

When we do manage to find something that looks half-decent on us, it's rarely something that makes us feel good wearing it. So we might end up looking pushed up and sucked in, but we also end up feeling uncomfortable and stiff in everything we buy.

We shop for something that looks decent but we never think about how it affects us emotionally when we wear that item. We don't ask ourselves, "Do I feel confident, sensual, and alluring in this teddy or garter belt?" "Am I going to step out of the bathroom and KNOW inside that I feel ready to make passionate love in this ensemble?" We only worry about how the man will think we look in it, regardless of the fact that the stiff lace on the crotch rubs our chubby-rub raw and the bones of the corset draw blood.

And the very last thing we feel is "ready to go" in the sack!

Then, what usually ends up happening as soon as we step out the bathroom door? He gives us a once over and then rips the lingerie off in less time then it took to get it on!!!

We are so worried about the outfit, so in our heads about how he sees us, that we shut off from our senses and then can't enjoy the sex and end up faking orgasm in our numb bodies. We don't think about putting on lingerie as a ritual that reves up our Horny Gears. Instead, we think about it as a way to put our true sexuality aside and start servicing HIM!

And what, you ask, is the problem with that, since I'm a relationship coach who is all about the concept of selfless "love-based giving" when in a relationship with a man?

The fact that sex is an interesting type of gift to a man--the more you are SELFISH about it, the more he enjoys getting it!

He doesn't want you to put on some fancy lingerie while you dread the whole process and then lie there looking at the ceiling as he makes love to you minutes later. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel like a goddess. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel turned on and ready to go. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel fabulous, regardless of how much attention he gives you for wearing it.

He doesn't want you to spend too long in the bathroom while he's naked in bed and waiting, only for you to walk out wearing a half smile, trip over the carpet in too-high heels and awkwardly grab the scratchy undies out your bum as you approach the bedside.

He also doesn't want to see you looking robotically stiff and self-consciously terrified in the outfit. That kills the mood completely for him.

Men like lingerie because it makes them feel that you take the time to be beautiful for them, and that you enjoy the process because you enjoy making yourself beautiful for men.

Men like lingerie because they like the idea that you are sooo turned on by them, you have to get all dressed up to make sex a special occasion where you can show them how very turned on they make you inside.

So if you don't enjoy the process and lingerie makes you less turned on for hot sex, what's the point? It's not helping his pleasure or yours.

Next time you buy lingerie, don't worry about how it looks; worry about how it makes you feel inside to see yourself in it and to wear it. Enjoy the process. Take note of lingerie you see in films that you think are beautiful and go try on similar styles. Maybe you think girls in cowboy hats and boots are sexy, so you go to the local western store and pick up a few sombreros.

Make it about you and how you can celebrate your body and set the mood for your fun and passion.

Now, some women have a really hard time ever thinking of themselves as sexy and enticing in any outfit. If you are really hard on yourself about your looks, no amount of work on the outside will completely fix this, i.e. weight loss and muscle toning. Yes, you may look at yourself and say, "Okay, I look fit and kinda sexy" but you may still not feel comfortable with being fully in your body during sex and will most likely lie there motionless during sex... or start screaming and yelling as a performance for him instead of truly enjoying his touch.

If you have harsh voices in your head about your body, I suggest all-together avoiding the idea of having to be pretty and sexy for him. Instead I suggest thinking about your POWER as a SENSUAL GODDESS, meaning your power to give and receive pleasure during sex.

This means physical pleasure and emotional pleasure (laughing together for example).

Find confidence in your ability to enjoy sex and enjoy feeling physically, spiritually and emotionally close to your man during sex. Then find a way to use lingerie to help in this process!

Find power in your ability to dress in a way that makes you feel sensual-- wearing soft silks and clingy materials that caress your sensitive skin.

Find power in your ability to dress in a way that makes you feel pampered and 100% soft, silky female-- shaving your vagina smooth, using sweet-smelling shampoos and rubbing perfume oils on your wrists and behind your ears.

Find power in your ability to dress in a way that makes you feel like a sexual Hollywood glamazon-- using lotions with shimmer and faint, tanning body make-up. (Sally Hansen makes a great one called Airbrush Legs).

Find power in your ability to get playful and creative about your lingerie-- creating a theme and going with it, like you wear a little nurse's uniform and turn up the Ipod to Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing.

Find power in your ability to be playfully dominating-- exiting the bathroom and straddling a chair, wearing his Oxford and one of his ties and nothing else.

Everyone woman has at least one thing they can do when prepping for special sex that will make them feel more feminine, sensuous, imaginative and ready to have a blast under the sheets. And again, it's not about feeling beautiful, just about feeling sexually hungry and powerful in your ability to be a great lover!

Find your inner sex goddess (be her sensual, feisty, dominating, sweet).

And don't wait to have that perfect gym-body. Do it now. If you pamper your body and enjoy sex, weight will come off sooo much easier.

Remember too that you don't have to break your bank to do this sexy dress-up thang. A man just wants to know you enjoy feeling good about your looks and your body, and that is possible on a low budget. (The store Target always surprises with all the cute yet cheap cotton panty options they offer.)

In my next article, I'll offer a fun exercise to get you feeling more confident and relaxed about the idea of wearing lingerie with a man.

Until then,

Let the lacy make your heart racy!

 

Check out Kristina's blog http://www.connectwithhisheart.com for free insight, exercises and tools to take into your relationship in order to swiftly and easily turn everything around in your connection with that special man.