by Paula Fellingham

Mom watched out the window - she was worried and angry. Eighteen year old Jared was late coming home, again. Just last week Mom had talked to Jared about his curfew, and she thought they had an understanding...midnight on weekends. It was 12:30 am, and he still wasn't home. Parent, when Jared does come home, what would you say to him?

 When 18 year old Jared arrives home, after the agreed-upon curfew, parents need to be awake, and ready to discuss his disobedience kindly but firmly.

Since Mom was confused about whether there was a solid understanding of curfew time, that's the first order of business. Mom could say, "Jared, what it your understanding of the time you should be home?"

Both children and parents should have no questions about the curfew time. Once the time is well understood, the second thing is to discuss consequences to disobedience. Jared and parents might decide that if he's late again, he'll miss the next weekend's activities, or he'll temporarily be denied a privilege he enjoys, like driving the car.

Once a decision is made about the consequence, ask, "What is your understanding of what will happen if you're not home at midnight on weekends?" And let him explain it to you. Be sure Jared is very clear on the consequence.

The third step is firm follow-through if he is late again.

Carrying out the consequence creates needed boundaries, and shows our teenagers we love them enough to discipline them. Parents need to run the risk of their children temporarily disapproving of their discipline. That's alright. Parenting is not a popularity contest. We're trying to teach our children to be obedient, responsible and accountable for their choices. The fact that we love them enough to set boundaries will also come through loud and clear.


Paula Fellingham, international-acclaimed speaker and the author of five books is the CEO of The Women's Information Network. Paula has spoken at the United Nations and at conferences around the world for over 30 years. Her mission is to strengthen women and families worldwide. She is the mother of 7 children.

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